I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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