Where is the hickey?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
