Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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