The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
