I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
