I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
