Please, let me fuck your mom
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
