You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
