I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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