i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize