I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
