Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
