omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
one might say we're banned from that church
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
