You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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