i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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