2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
