how can u be prego again
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
