watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My dick has a subreddit
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
