somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize