Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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