also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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