Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm having to shit out rocks
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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