You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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