Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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