she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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