9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
