covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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