I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize