I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize