Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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