It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
