My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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