I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
