just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
