Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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