i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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