where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
