Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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