What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
