I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
