I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
