u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
