Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize