I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
