Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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