I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
