I need help removing her.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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