You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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