genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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