My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
