that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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