I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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