Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
