i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
