Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
