Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
