That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
