theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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