I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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