Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
