i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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