I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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