We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
