I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So squirting runs in the family.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
