He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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