is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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