Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
