? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
