AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
