My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
