yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I love having hate sex.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
