I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
