Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
