nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
