3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
