you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
