Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
