EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
