i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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