my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
