but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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