dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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