yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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