I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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