The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
