so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
