do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
