can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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