This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
