I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
