You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
