You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
