remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize