no you cant smoke seaweed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
