i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Houston, we have a blender
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
