Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We had to coat check the pizza.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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