are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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