he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
