In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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